December Discussions - Mating: Porn and Sexpectations
Hi Guys,
Hope everyone is well. Can you believe the end of the year is here? What madness. I wish everyone a blessed, better and prosperous 2017.
Last month I attended the fifth session of a six part interactive programme looking at relationships hosted by Joe McSharry. It was a very engaging two hours that firstly touched upon values. Most people have values when it comes to sex whether we want to admit it or not. We all have values on why we do take part and why we don't and that's perfectly okay! There are no rules and regulations to follow per se (except consent obviously - that is vital and very important), but there probably are contributing factors that shape our views. These factors can stem from religion, our peers, the media, parents etc.
We all have a perception on sex. Are we happy? If we aren't why is that? As young people or old, Joe highlighted that we can acknowledge our mistakes. Perhaps we regret locking lips with that stranger in our student union, perhaps it went further, perhaps it didn't. But, if we regret our 'intimate moments' it is important to understand we are not defined by them and they do not tell us who we are as people.
Is porn a big influence towards our view on sex? Is it misleading and how often do we view it? Well perhaps we are exposed to porn more often than we think. When we watch these sensual yogurt adverts with excessive moaning, or Herbal Essence shampoo adverts with erotic sounds and imagery surely we are watching soft porn? or taking part in voyeurism? Perhaps we are not. Perhaps these adverts are interchangeable with pornographic features. But who knows. Maybe it's subjective.
Do we learn anything from porn? Arguably it plays a big influence on our views on sex but an interactive poll with the audience showed that people viewed porn as misleading, dangerous, normal and a bit of fun. A favourite quote of mine from this evening was an audience member commenting that 'porn is to sex what Disney is to romance.' Not only did I find this amusing, I found this somewhat true as character wise Disney create characters that appeal to audiences and so do the attractive actors in pornographic material I guess.
At school we are almost given a negative image of sex or orders. In sex ed, we are told to wear a condom, be on birth control and are showed the worst kind of STI's. I believe that all of these things are necessary but sometimes can be interpreted as being shoved down your throat which can be kind of off putting. But, perhaps this kind of force is necessary as at the end of the day sex can lead to a little person growing inside of you.
Joe also touched upon the notion of consent and sexpectations. Does porn raise the bar? and are we expecting too much from our partners? Avid porn watchers might already have an expectation, but what porn doesn't show is the 'mess' of it all. It doesn't show when things perhaps don't go to plan or the laughs you have when things mess up a little. An audience member responded to this by suggesting how do we know what you want when you don't know what it is? This is a fair point to make but it's kind of like trying a cake. Some people won't be able to have an almond cake for example, because they are allergic to nuts, or some people will have it and not like it as much as others. Just because we see someone doing something and enjoy themselves on a TV screen, doesn't mean we will enjoy it. Just because these two or three or four actors on screen are eating the almond cake, it doesn't mean we should try especially if you know you have an allergy (what a terrible analogy lol I'm sorry.) It might not always be safe to copy these actors, especially if certain objects which can cause harm are involved (lol.) From watching these actors take part in these activities, subconsciously it could imprint an image in our head which when we try doing that specific deed in real life, results in us ending up bitterly disappointed. Which leads to the question...
Is porn more harm to the human mind than we think? Experts fear heavy internet porn usage may leave one in ten young men with erectile problems. Porn can legitimise fetishes or even go as far as pedophilia. The production of Japanese sex dolls are getting smaller and child like. Is this normalising child attraction? and if so where do we draw the line? As child attraction really is unacceptable and beastly. So, the production of these dolls raises the question are we becoming too tolerant.
Porn is challenged and is met by people who strongly oppose. From a feminist view there are two spectrums. It's your body, you do what you want with it or do the actors objectify themselves as men and women by taking part. Personally, as a feminist I will always believe that it is your body and you should do what you want with it with no pressure from peers.
Porn can be viewed anywhere and everywhere in the 21st century, whether we like it or not - even accidentally. Several times I have found myself on putlocker or watch series. looking to watch Batman or Greys Anatomy and get bombarded with filth or pop up pornographic ads about 'sexy Russian singles in my area.' Perhaps there are and good for them but I am sure they do not compare to Christian Bale and his dreamy eyes. 28% of 16-17 year olds' have been exposed to porn online unintentionally, and with access to it so easily I am actually surprised about how low that statistic is.
Porn can also create a plethora of body image issues. We don't see the excessive lighting or the makeup artists behind the scenes that's job are to make sure these actors look great, as it is a franchise right. Just like Hollywood, I'm sure a fair amount of actors have gone under the knife, got bigger boobs or made them more symmetrical and that's okay. But what should be acknowledged is sometimes it isn't real and it's okay not to look like that. We shouldn't strive to look like that as we haven't gone under the knife so it would just be impossible! However, it should be acknowledged that the desire for sex itself is nothing out of the ordinary and biologically there is an in built desire in all of us .This raises the question that when people watch porn are they searching for a physical need or a deeper connection? Porn shows the physical act of sex but does it show the vulnerability? Porn is a relationship that in essence the viewers can control. You can pause and play. Search for specifics etc.
At the end of the day, everyone should own their sexuality and use it to empower themselves. Whether that includes watching porn, choosing to have sex or choosing not to. Just own it. Additionally, we can learn to understand our values and why we have them and live from that place. We have a choice. Use your choice. Use empowerment.
Hope everyone is well. Can you believe the end of the year is here? What madness. I wish everyone a blessed, better and prosperous 2017.
Last month I attended the fifth session of a six part interactive programme looking at relationships hosted by Joe McSharry. It was a very engaging two hours that firstly touched upon values. Most people have values when it comes to sex whether we want to admit it or not. We all have values on why we do take part and why we don't and that's perfectly okay! There are no rules and regulations to follow per se (except consent obviously - that is vital and very important), but there probably are contributing factors that shape our views. These factors can stem from religion, our peers, the media, parents etc.
We all have a perception on sex. Are we happy? If we aren't why is that? As young people or old, Joe highlighted that we can acknowledge our mistakes. Perhaps we regret locking lips with that stranger in our student union, perhaps it went further, perhaps it didn't. But, if we regret our 'intimate moments' it is important to understand we are not defined by them and they do not tell us who we are as people.
Is porn a big influence towards our view on sex? Is it misleading and how often do we view it? Well perhaps we are exposed to porn more often than we think. When we watch these sensual yogurt adverts with excessive moaning, or Herbal Essence shampoo adverts with erotic sounds and imagery surely we are watching soft porn? or taking part in voyeurism? Perhaps we are not. Perhaps these adverts are interchangeable with pornographic features. But who knows. Maybe it's subjective.
Do we learn anything from porn? Arguably it plays a big influence on our views on sex but an interactive poll with the audience showed that people viewed porn as misleading, dangerous, normal and a bit of fun. A favourite quote of mine from this evening was an audience member commenting that 'porn is to sex what Disney is to romance.' Not only did I find this amusing, I found this somewhat true as character wise Disney create characters that appeal to audiences and so do the attractive actors in pornographic material I guess.
At school we are almost given a negative image of sex or orders. In sex ed, we are told to wear a condom, be on birth control and are showed the worst kind of STI's. I believe that all of these things are necessary but sometimes can be interpreted as being shoved down your throat which can be kind of off putting. But, perhaps this kind of force is necessary as at the end of the day sex can lead to a little person growing inside of you.
Joe also touched upon the notion of consent and sexpectations. Does porn raise the bar? and are we expecting too much from our partners? Avid porn watchers might already have an expectation, but what porn doesn't show is the 'mess' of it all. It doesn't show when things perhaps don't go to plan or the laughs you have when things mess up a little. An audience member responded to this by suggesting how do we know what you want when you don't know what it is? This is a fair point to make but it's kind of like trying a cake. Some people won't be able to have an almond cake for example, because they are allergic to nuts, or some people will have it and not like it as much as others. Just because we see someone doing something and enjoy themselves on a TV screen, doesn't mean we will enjoy it. Just because these two or three or four actors on screen are eating the almond cake, it doesn't mean we should try especially if you know you have an allergy (what a terrible analogy lol I'm sorry.) It might not always be safe to copy these actors, especially if certain objects which can cause harm are involved (lol.) From watching these actors take part in these activities, subconsciously it could imprint an image in our head which when we try doing that specific deed in real life, results in us ending up bitterly disappointed. Which leads to the question...
Is porn more harm to the human mind than we think? Experts fear heavy internet porn usage may leave one in ten young men with erectile problems. Porn can legitimise fetishes or even go as far as pedophilia. The production of Japanese sex dolls are getting smaller and child like. Is this normalising child attraction? and if so where do we draw the line? As child attraction really is unacceptable and beastly. So, the production of these dolls raises the question are we becoming too tolerant.
Porn is challenged and is met by people who strongly oppose. From a feminist view there are two spectrums. It's your body, you do what you want with it or do the actors objectify themselves as men and women by taking part. Personally, as a feminist I will always believe that it is your body and you should do what you want with it with no pressure from peers.
Porn can be viewed anywhere and everywhere in the 21st century, whether we like it or not - even accidentally. Several times I have found myself on putlocker or watch series. looking to watch Batman or Greys Anatomy and get bombarded with filth or pop up pornographic ads about 'sexy Russian singles in my area.' Perhaps there are and good for them but I am sure they do not compare to Christian Bale and his dreamy eyes. 28% of 16-17 year olds' have been exposed to porn online unintentionally, and with access to it so easily I am actually surprised about how low that statistic is.
Porn can also create a plethora of body image issues. We don't see the excessive lighting or the makeup artists behind the scenes that's job are to make sure these actors look great, as it is a franchise right. Just like Hollywood, I'm sure a fair amount of actors have gone under the knife, got bigger boobs or made them more symmetrical and that's okay. But what should be acknowledged is sometimes it isn't real and it's okay not to look like that. We shouldn't strive to look like that as we haven't gone under the knife so it would just be impossible! However, it should be acknowledged that the desire for sex itself is nothing out of the ordinary and biologically there is an in built desire in all of us .This raises the question that when people watch porn are they searching for a physical need or a deeper connection? Porn shows the physical act of sex but does it show the vulnerability? Porn is a relationship that in essence the viewers can control. You can pause and play. Search for specifics etc.
At the end of the day, everyone should own their sexuality and use it to empower themselves. Whether that includes watching porn, choosing to have sex or choosing not to. Just own it. Additionally, we can learn to understand our values and why we have them and live from that place. We have a choice. Use your choice. Use empowerment.
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