End of Year Thoughts - Mental Progress

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So here I am at 6:52 am on December 31st, lying in my bed trying to manically be productive and get my academic life together. I realise that I probably should have started this earlier, but I think the deeper rooted point that should be taken from this is how quickly the first term of third year has flown by, and how I have not had time, up until these holidays to really stop and take a break. This is partially down to my studies, partially down to the extra-curricular activities I'm involved in, and just how busy life has been for me trying to work out what I need to do to build a career. Crazy. 

The most important thing that I want to look back on this year is the mental progress that I have made. In the second semester of 1st year (2016), I was diagnosed with depression. One of the hardest things about this illness is that I never knew what to expect and when I was going to beat it. This uncertainty unsettled me further as obviously you can't be given a time frame on the specifics of your 'recovery.' It's not like breaking a bone and a wearing a cast for 6 weeks and knowing that it's likely to be healed, it is very different. Each person's 'recovery' is different and it could take weeks or months depending on the person. But for some, it really can be a long-term illness and for 20%-30% of individuals who have a depressive episode, the symptoms will not entirely go away. (Befrienders Org)

For a long time, I really had trouble figuring out who I was before depression as I felt so consumed by my own intrusive thoughts, I struggled to remember who I was before them as they had clouded my mind for so long. I missed out on opportunities because I had shunned them away. Now I try not to dwell on the negative aspects of my life past and present (although this is hard), and if you have read my posts from the beginning, you'll know just how much of an important topic mental health is to me. I think the need to talk about it is undeniably necessary as unfortunately, the global mortality rate of suicide is one death every 40 seconds (Befrienders Org) and suicide is the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45. (CALM) 

In October, I was asked to be on a panel at my university run by the student-led organisation Heads Up, who promote positive mental health and wellbeing  & The Ethnic Minority Network who provide a safe space to improve the experience of minorities studying at the university. This was my first time vocally answering questions to a room full of mostly strangers about my mental health and I feel like this was a huge step forward for me and I felt liberated from this experience. Ethnicity-wise, I am a cultural cocktail. I love my background but I do recognise that the West African system of honour and pride can still sometimes be found within the 21st Century, and fundamentally this is detrimental to mental health as it's not uncommon to be taught that you shouldn't show emotion as that makes you weak. However, within this generation, there has been a change and it can be found that the notions of pride, honour, and reputation are deconstructing. The mental health dialogue is gradually becoming easier for ethnic minorities to discuss partially because of the generational shift that has occurred. 

The thing about mental illnesses is they do not discriminate. They don't care about your background, your race, your class. They don't care if you are rich or if you are poor. They can affect absolutely anyone, even the happy folks. I fell into this bracket, and at first, I was very perplexed but they really can affect anyone regardless. 

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but every time I have used the word recovery, I have put it in inverted commas. This is because I don't believe that this is the right word to use for me in relation to my mental health. Instead of 'recovery' I now use adjustment, as despite my struggles I'll always be adjusting and growing. For me, my mental health is no longer an elephant in the room. I still have my bad days, but I also have my good days. I've learned that depression is very complex and manifests very differently, but it's important to drive the push for accessible facilities and support within society so we can actively strive to help others wellbeing and build a more supportive society. Especially as 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem in the next year (Mind). 3 children in every classroom have a diagnosable mental health condition (Young Minds Org) and support needs to be amplified so we can help children as they really are the future.

My depression has shaped me into the person I am. I have several flaws, I can be impulsive and I can be fickle, but I also know that I am compassionate and kind, and I believe I would not be this person today if it wasn't for my struggles. If throughout my whole life I never had any problems then I don't think I would like the person I was. I'd probably find her annoying and extra (even though I already am both of these things lol, but I think it would be worse.) My struggles have made me self-aware, I know who I am and know my triggers and symptoms.  I’ve decided to take it upon myself to actively talk about my mental struggles and to share about them as frequently as I can. I am not sure if it helps people who are suffering from depression in any way, but regardless of this, it's important for you to know that you are not alone. Beating depression requires a lifetime of commitment and I decided to make that commitment for myself and for my loved ones. I recognise that it is not always easy to talk about mental illness to your friends and family but know that you are not alone and that there are so many organisations you can reach out to who will support you and listen. (Links Below) 

For those reading who are in 'recovery', it can be very easy to fall back into depression if we give power to our past. Do not give your past the power to define your future because it really is never too late to be what you might have been and do what you want to do. On a final note 'never confuse a single defeat as a final defeat' (F. Scott Fitzgerald) 

Wishing you all success beyond measure in 2018. Peace, Love & Prosperity x

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If you are currently a student at Loughborough University, Nightline an out of hours confidential hotline is open Monday, Wednesday, and Friday during term time 20:00-8:00am. Nightline also offer a service to get you home safely at FND Please click the link for more details - https://www.lsu.co.uk/yourunion/london/support/nightline/

If you are a student there is also the organisation Students Against Depression http://studentsagainstdepression.org/tackle-depression/


The Samaritans are open 24/7, you can call them for free on 116 123.

For persistent mental health symptoms please contact your GP.


Statistic Links 







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